I'm back again in the city for unknown reason. I'm back again to unwind myself from all those stresses that affects me and my way of putting myself in work; and a way of refreshing my mind is to get away from that place for a couple of days. so here i am, back in the big city, helping my sister again with her work.

however, when i was on my way to met my sister,I've been thinking of him again, my super-long-time-crush-ever-since-college. i really wanted to see him again, to relieve what it is needed to be relieved. when i came across with a guy, i would definitely look at him but when i saw a silhouette that looks like him i would immediately turn my eyes away and look down. what the hell was that?!! here, i thought that i would surely search for him in every inch of this big city and when every time i saw a guy that looks like him, i back down? confused much.

here i thought that i was ready to meet his eyes again, but sadly, unconsciously I'm not ready for it. maybe, I'm not physically prepared for him. for i know for sure, he will not look at me even for a single second, for some specific reason. but i surely hope that when time comes i am ready to get over with what is on my heart. even though i am afraid to face what is the outcome,but I'm still looking forward in seeing him.

i traveled to the next city yesterday afternoon just to be with my sister and also to have fun. i didn't expecting anything particular or anything at all. i went to my sisters work place to meet with her together with her friends, which I've been acquainted before, nothing in particular. my sister and i ate some white super hard chocolates while waiting for her friend to finish checking of his students project. we fool around while another of my sister's friend came along, and the foolish stuff never stops. when we are ready for dinner, the friend #2 said that my sister's group of friends were at some sing-along-house, and they are waiting for them (my sister and her friends).

my sister decided that we should came along because they are expecting for her, so i came along too. when we reached there, some of her friends I've already acquainted and some of them don't and i one of there is one particular person that i cant get over with. funny it may sound but i cant. however, he didn't stay that long in the room, he went outside to buy some foods and drinks for there next destination; and that is his house!!. our time has ended, and my sister decided that we are not coming along because his house is far, its also late at night and its somewhat dangerous (sigh!). my sister decided that we all take a hike so that we can hail a cab in order for us (my sister and I) could go home. along those how many minutes of walking its strange that my head keeps turning and my eyes were lacking at his face. (arrrrgggh!) what a stupid action! as far as i remember I've looked back thrice, and his face was what I've seen. and finally my time of being stupid has came to a halt ( finally!)

when we were at our house, I've been thinking how stupid i was back then, but i cant also keep my mind away from him, or how would it be when my sister and I went to his house. Oh well, i know from this instant that this "thing" of mine will stop when i went back and go to work. (sigh!)

I think I'm confused. I really don't know what i am feeling right now. Here's the story, for almost a year now I've been thinking about a particular guy, for some reasons and some of them is that one of my friend has a feelings for him. Even at work she showed how much she love him by holding his hands and kissing him on the cheeks!! Now how is that? Unprofessional? I really don't know, maybe when it comes to love, you just don't mind what others think or say. Back to i was saying, I've been observing him for all those months and trying to decipher what my friend really likes about him, and later did i know my super closest friends has a feeling for him too (well that was before). So, for almost a year i found out why most girls have have feelings for him. He is really a gentleman, kind hearted, and respectful but even so he has some bad side of him too that when i imagine it, i cant help myself but laugh. He is like a kid in a mature kind of way (i think you get what i mean). And just lately I've found put that he already resigned from the institution and he is flying away to a very far place.

When I've heard about his resignation, i really don't know that its that instant or maybe he just didn't want to spread it. Even so he is going to some place and i cant help myself believing that i can't see him anymore. His super laughing out laud i will surely miss. The way he teases me of how big my appetite is and how i miss the way i act when I'm around him, not totally looking at him, how weird is that?? What is really about this feeling of mine is when i know that he is leaving, a song immediately pop up to my mind; and that is "goodbye to love by the carpenters". That is really wierd. I dont even have a slightiest feelings for him, i guess.

Oh, well, what the pig! Im still confused over this. So, i guess this would be "good bye to love" then. Arrrggh!! What the pig!!

From bed time stories down to the now wonderfully made fairy tale movies, its been and always had been my wish that somehow my life would be like from the fairy tale stories. Ive been living my life for over twenty-two years and yet my fairy tale seems never fades. From the prince charming that someday sweep my feet away down to the ever lasting kiss, all those things ive been wishing for.

In this modern world and mind, those fairy tale dreams of mine is impossible to find. When some doesnt believe in a love that last forever. And honestly, i myself believed that it is really impossible for the reason that the fair maiden always have been has the right body, the right features fit for a princes that could catch anyones attention, even a wicked witch. Even in the movies and the novels that ive read, its always the same, the prince always fall for the girl that has beauty and its sad to say i dont have them.

Even all those negative vibes ive had for a fairy tale dreams im still amd always be waiting for the prince charming who would sweep my feet someday.

this was a song sang by phil collins in the past. And up until now, this is my theme song in terms of falling inlove. You really cant hurry lovee and most of all, you cant push love. Love does not need to be said but it should be felt. you cant really know love when you yourself believe that love is just a game. Nothing more nothing less.

Ive just said this because of my recent experience. There was just this guy who said that he wants to court me. Well, as a girl, i thought that courting doesnt need a permission from a girl. It should be felt. for me asking permission is one way of asking some assurance from the other. And love is not about assurances but its about taking risk. He said that i was immature in all my aspects in life, however i told him if he really does have some feelings to me, he should be mature enough to accept my immaturity. He also asked me for second chance, i said to me: second chance is not for me to tell him, but its up for him to prove that he really deserve a second chance. He said that it was easy for me to tell all those negative words. Yes its easy for me, for the fact that, first, i dont have any feelings for me because i know his feelings for me is not real, and lastly, he was not that all sincere, serious and consistent.

Sincerity, seriousness and consistency is one way of winning the girls hurt. Without those three, then you are just playing with the girls emotion and feelings. Loving and liking is a very different word. Just as like as respect and assurance.

To all the guys out there, i do hope that you have those three characteristics in courting a girl.

for the past week I've been thinking about my past and what would happen in my future. random thoughts quickly rushing through my mind. and then it hits me, i wanted to do some risk in my life before i lay my self to rest. so i've created my bucket list. although it did not reach to a hundred what-to-do-before-i-die yet but i already has something in mind on where would i start.

my mind is really fixed on going to somewhere else without companion, just me. i really wanted to do some adventure in my life for the reason that up to this date i cant really remember when did i became adventurous or it is solely because i did not do any. in this trip on mine, i want to meet some new found friends. and the main reason why wanted to go in this place because i really want to know who i am..

i am really praying that this first list in my bucket list will be granted by next year.. fingers crossed!!

it was late afternoon last oct. 27, 2011, when i started to pick up my guitar agian and started to play. when i thought came to mind while listening to one of my favorite song which is "marry your daughter by brian mcknight. i startted playing the notes and singing the song. then finally i've decided to compose a song that is a girl version or the reply of the song. it was not that good but i've enjoyed singning my lyrics with the melody of the song. so i want you to share my lyrics to you, i know its amature or rubbish, but it brings fulfillment and happines to my heart. so this is it.


Dad, im a bit nervous
'bout hes being here today
Still not real sure what hes going to say
So stay with me please
If hes taking too much of the time
He opened the box of ring and say to me
youre my everything and all that i know is
It would be such a relief if you would say yes to me and being my side
And sir, im very hoping that i...

Can marry your daughter, and make her my wife
I want her to be the only girl that i love for the rest of mylife
And give her the best of me till the day that i die, yeah
Im gonna marry your princess and make her my queen
Shell be the most beautiful bride that ive ever seen
I cant wait to smile
When she walks down the aisle
On the arm of her father
On the day that i marry your daughter

Hes been here every step
Dad,since the day that we met
Im scared to death dad, oh what you think should i do and say to him
And dont you ere worry about him treating me bad
Hed got most of his vows done so far
He gave me the most og his life
And till death do we part
Theres no doubt in my mind
Its time, im ready to say
I swear to you with all of my heart

Im gonna marry this man
And make him spouse
I want him to be the only man that i love for the rest of my life
And give him the best of me till the day that i die, yeaj
Im gonna marry this prince, and make him my king
He'll be the most wonderful groom that ive ever seen
I cant wait to smile
When i walk down the aisle
On the arms of you father
On the day that i marry this man

The first time i saw him, i swear i knew that id say i do...

Im gonna marry this man, and make him my spouse
I want him to be the only man that i love for the rest of my life
And give him the best of me till the day that i die, yeah
Im gonna marry this prince, and make him my king
He'll be the most wonderful groom that ive ever seen
I cant wait to smile
When i walk down the aisle
On the arms of you father
On the day that id marry this man..


i hope you enjoyed my lyrics. i also hoped that my skills will enhanced.. ★